Communication between Men and Women

As everyone knows by now, there is a difference between a man and a womans outer appearance. What some people do not realize is that a man and a woman are also different in communication techniques. Generally speaking, men and women fall into two categories when dealing with communication techniques. When men talk, it is for giving information. Deborah Tannen says this informative speaking is report-talk. Report-talk as defined by Deborah Tannen is public speaking. Women on the other hand, use small talk to communicate. Small talk is a conversation which is usually considered to be short and meaningless. Deborah Tannen states that this communication technique of women is rapport-talk. Rapport-talk as defined by Deborah Tannen is private speaking. This essay will discuss the following: (1) How Deborah Tannen and John Gray are similar in respect to their views on communication between men and women (2) how Tannen and Gray are different in their views on communication between men and women (3) the effects that result from these different types of communication (4) which essay is in agreement with my personal opinion and (5) the suggestions about communication from the essay. Deborah Tannen and John Gray are two authors who have many similarities. One similarity is the fact that both authors notice that men and women do speak differently. Tannen suggests that the way that men and women communicate is something that is learned from the early stages in life. From childhood, men learn to use talking as a way to get and keep attention. So they are more comfortable speaking in large groups made up of people they know less well-in the broadest sense public speaking. From childhood, girls criticize peers who try to stand out or appear better than others. People feel their closest connections at home Both authors realized men and women have different ways of talking. However, their views on the communication techniques are different. Deborah Tannen suggests that For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. Deborah Tannen also suggest that women talk when with one or a few people they feel close to and comfortable with John Gray however says To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license and use various superlatives and metaphors, and generalizations. Men mistakenly take these expressions literally. Because they misunderstandthey commonly react in an non-supportive manner. John Gray believes men use speech as a way of conveying facts. Women tend to look for support when they are talking, but do not ask for it; they feel the request is well implied. John Gray also theorized that when a man is upset or stressed he will automatically stop talking and go to his cave to works things out. Men are unable to express their feelings as well as women and this is why they go into a cave. Also men do not want to worry their partner. Men try to make their partner happy. Men think that their partner will be happy if they do not have to worry about the man. Women tend to believe that you can never abandon a friend who is upset. It doesnt seem loving to abandon someone when they are upset. Women instantly want to support men in the way they want to be supported, her intentions are good but it is counterproductive. Men show love by not worrying.